This weekend, look out for gym rage

Treadmill tyrants

The sign clearly states that the running machine should be used for no longer than 20 minutes per person during peak hours. Yet the display on the machine clearly states that the man has been on it for 45 minutes ? and has no intention of stopping. A friend who once tried to disturb such a creature was told, aggressively, that he was ?training to take part in an Ironman, and you are clearly not, so please leave me be?. If this happens, take yourself to the punch bag, and imagine it to be the treadmill tyrant.

Treadmill tortoises

Beware people who put the running machine and cross-trainer on such low settings they are merely walking. As they ?exercise?, the treadmill tortoise will fiddle with their BlackBerry, or the controls of the television monitor as they try to tune into the news. In extreme cases, they will even read a magazine. Hand the treadmill tortoise an Ordnance Survey map that features a selection of leisurely country walks.

The over-zealous gym instructor

Fine in classes, not so much when having to watch over the gym. Naturally hyperactive, they find such situations uncomfortable, and will try to amuse themselves by flicking the gym radio between dance and R&B stations, at top volume. When this bores them, they will approach members and enthusiastically ask if they can help them stretch. The best way to stop them from ever approaching you again is to accept, before lying down on the mat and sticking a particularly cheesy stockinged foot in their face.

Grunters and sweaters

With their machismo dented horribly after crashing out of Wolverhampton?s Strongest Man competition, these giant lumps of boiled ham have been trying to make up for it ever since ? unfortunately, in your gym. They will run like a gale-force wind, spraying sweat all over the equipment, which they might later attempt to clean up with an already drenched towel. The towel will be left for you to remove, as they then grunt their way through a series of weights. Best to ignore ? attention only makes them stronger. At least figuratively.

Slow swimmers in the fast lane

In the pool, avoid that sinking feeling by silently ganging up on the minnow with other speedier swimmers. Like a shiver of sharks, you will surround him or her, overtaking, sometimes in twos and threes, until they return to the splash pool.

Exhibitionists

Every gym changing room has one, preening and posing while the rest try to get out of their leggings behind a towel. The only way to avoid them is to stop going to the gym and exercise outside instead. It?s cheaper, and you?re unlikely to find a naked stranger hairdryering their entire body in your bathroom afterwards.

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Source: http://telegraph.feedsportal.com/c/32726/f/569020/s/1b91fbbf/l/0L0Stelegraph0O0Chealth0Cwellbeing0C89952520CThis0Eweekend0Elook0Eout0Efor0Egym0Erage0Bhtml/story01.htm

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